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Just listened to your episode 3 about feeling overwhelmed. Coincidentally, our Relief Society discussion today was about that very subject and simplifying. The best comment I heard come out of that discussion was “every time you say ‘yes’ to something, consider what you are saying ‘no’ to.” I too have declined callings (gasp from the audience) when the cost to my family was too high. Although my husband and I are on the same faith transition trajectory, I am enjoying your podcast.
I’m very impressed with the way you two work out things together. Maybe, just maybe I can work out things with my spouse just as well too.
We don’t have it all figured out David, but we sure are trying and committed to each other. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
What is Allan and Kattie’s email?
Miriam,
You can write us at marriageonatightrope@gmail.com.
Thanks!
I know your next episode is going to be around valentines day.
Are there any books regarding intimacy that you highly recommend?
Are you familiar with:
https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/
Or the book she wrote “And they were not ashamed”?
I’ve lost all trust in the institution of the church and its leaders. I think they are people trying to be their best as they define it. The church’s truth claims are too hard for me to believe now that I have looked beyond the trusted church in my pursuit of truth. I looked beyond the church once I discovered the correlation department actively perpetuates a subjective interpretation of history instead of an objective one (The Mantle is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect).
I have been trying to recalibrate my world for years, but the biggest torture for me is trying to stand up for my current beliefs while respecting my wife’s (my old beliefs). We were happy when we were both in the church, and I can totally see us way happier out of the church, but she persistently chooses to maintain her belief in the dominant narrative. There is no room for her to explore all the facts and evaluate them on her own. There is no room to explore them together. Wouldn’t her greatest life work be to save the soul that she is married for eternity to? Come, look at what I have looked at, help me make sense of it. Put in the work to help me believe again. Instead, there is frustration, anger, sadness and purposeful ignorance. She refuses to apply even the same type of research she has put into a refrigerator purchase into researching the validity of the LDS sales pitch.
I would very much appreciate an honest and vulnerable discussion with Kattie about this type of approach by a believing spouse. I can’t say whether any of the above hits home with her, but hopefully she is familiar with those challenges for other believing spouses. I am really, really struggling to understand why there is little effort to get me back in the boat. I feel like everyone in the boat throws the (1) read, (2) pray, (3) go to church, (4) just believe life preservers and then they just give up on you. No one is willing to dive in and swim me back. Maybe once you are in, you’ll realize it is safer/better to swim together to the beach.
the cost to your wife would be too high and she has internally calibrated that, she’s scared. Also, personality differences are crucial. Check out meyers-briggs, free test on the web now. and it might help you to see that she is “being” rather “doing something to you”. perhaps this will ease your struggle a bit. Take care John.